The Chronicles of Autism: I'm not immune to displays of ill-informed judgement

Last weekend I was enjoying a stroll through the newly refurbished Grainger Market in Newcastle City Centre.  Have you been yet?  If not, you really should, there are so many great places to eat and to buy fresh produce.  The place is buzzing with life and energy,

During our visit I passed a young family.  It was 9.30 am on a Saturday morning and they were eating pizza and drinking fizzy drinks.   Almost involuntarily, but not entirely without responsibility, I turned to my husband and I said, “imagine bringing your kids out for breakfast and giving them pizza?”.    My husband turned to me and calmly said “Alison, those kids might be autistic, they might have food avoidance like our grandson, and that might be the only thing they eat all day”.

In that moment, he called out my judgement, and he centred not just our grandson but all children like him. He reminded me those parents may, in that moment, be experiencing great joy and relief to see their child excitedly eating food. I was overcome with shame.

I’ve talked a lot in this series about the impact of people’s ill-informed judgement of my grandson, and how it impacts how we move about the world.    We are often mis-judged when we are out in public and I’ve had everything from “keep that child away from me” to “just leave him, he’ll eat eventually”.  For the record he won’t eat “eventually”.  He has a condition commonly known as food avoidance and I’ve written about this before in this very series.   He will starve himself if we don’t find a way to help him eat.

So, you would think knowing this information, and having experienced this problem first hand myself, that I would be a better person.  And yet, here I was falling into the judgement pit.   It was a stark, and slightly embarrassing, reminder that our belief systems are so doggedly ingrained in our psyche they can overpower us, even when we have information and personal experience to disprove them.

The moral of this story?  Henceforth I shall be less judgy about the judgy people! And on a more serious note, I shall work harder to keep what I know about disability and inclusion at the front of my mind.  I will remember, as my husband so perfectly demonstrated, that we aren’t alone in this.  There are many families like us, and I too need to do better, not just for my grandson and my family, but for everyone.